12/23/2023 0 Comments Think about it as a favor for a friend![]() “You behave this way that gives me internal or external benefit and in exchange, I’ll behave this way that gives you something (usually psychological benefit) as well. Most friendships are fueled by expected behavior. We’ve gotten into the bad habit, as a society, of having everything be “quid-pro-quo” or “this for that.” Everything is an exchange on some level, including most friendship. When you’re helping a friend, sure you’re doing it because you love the friend, but to some extent you’re also doing it because you don’t want to see what would happen if you didn’t do this for the friend. This also means that your act is not motivated by fear. With the stranger, there’d be little if any consequences. Sure, in the case of a friend asking you to help, you could always choose not to, but then you’d have to deal with the consequences of not helping out. On top of this, you fully chose to do this favor, you didn’t have to do it at all. They would do it, even if they didn’t get paid. ![]() Think about the people who love what they do the most for a job, they do it because they love it, not for the money. Because what you are receiving matters to you, no matter how much you want to be “in-the-moment” (see article Happiness Comes from Being in the Moment) a part of you is inevitably going to be concerned with what you are getting from it. When you do something to get something else, whether it’s a job, or a favor for a friend, the fact that you are receiving something for the action tends to take our mind off the task at hand. You’re also going to appreciate the act doing the favor, regardless of its consequences let me explain. You didn’t owe the stranger anything, so when you did something for him, your sole reward was in that moment when you felt like a good person (even if he didn’t appreciate it, you’d still feel good) and he probably felt appreciative on top of that, so it worked two-fold. As before, it’s the exchange principle, or the lack of one, that’s at play here. Chances are the stranger appreciated it more than the friend did. If you did, how did you feel when you finished? Chances are you felt a lot better than when you did it for a friend. Now, have you ever done a favor for someone you didn’t know? I’m not talking about giving a homeless person some money, I’m talking about actually doing something as if the person were family. winning the lottery for the same amount as a paycheck. Example: consider the happiness you’d get from getting your paycheck vs. It’s not that your friend didn’t appreciate you, it’s that when you have an expectation of something that’s owed to you, you tend not to like it as much when you get it. That’s because both you and your friend probably saw it as something that should happen and so you didn’t appreciate it enough. ![]() Now, after you did this favor, how did you feel? Did you feel ecstatically positive about the world? Chances are, you didn’t. Have you ever done a favor for a friend? Of course. ![]()
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